Saturday, March 20, 2010

just the girls

Last night was our first night without jose being home. He is in tampa for a Driver's Edge program. It was very hard to take him to the airport yesterday morning, however, I am surprised I wasn't a complete mess. I got teary eyed on the way to the airport when we prayed together, but at the airport I think I realized that the next few days I have to step up to the plate and act as a single mother and take care of my daughter with not even 5 minutes of help - there's no time for boo hoo's & crying for jose to not go. I'm a mama now!

The only thing I could compare dropping off Jose at the airport to was when I was a complete emotional disaster in 2008 - pregnant. I was leaving on the morning flight and Jose was going to work and then flying out that nite. My hormones got the best of me and I started crying, a lot! I was such a wreck. I hugged Jose 1,000 times & proceeded to the dreaded check-in line. Jose called me and expressed how hard it was to see me like that. He had called his boss, parked the car and rescheduled his flight to leave with me! Of course, there was only ONE more seat available on the flight - just for my wonderful husband to support his hormone raging, red-eyed, tears of an ocean, hyperventilating, supporting a human in her belly - wife. I was so hysterical. It was, by far, ridiculous. Now having a daughter in the mix, I expected yesterday's drop off to be a real failure.

Last night I could not sleep too well and Jose called me numberous times not being able to sleep either. I associate jose being gone with our negative experiences of the past. Some of you many know the ins & outs of what the Nobles have endured previously. When I am without him, familiar anxious feelings of distress stir up inside of me reminding me of the times he only found trouble when we were apart. We've had a long, hard road, which I have had many, many a heartbreak from. However, our Lord has helped heal the horrid wounds of the past. God brought me to a safe, trusted place that I never knew existed....and would have never existed without Him. He brought us out of a deep, dark pit of hopelessness to a beautiful, uplifting place where His light continues to shine upon us to keep us from the depths we once knew. I suppose this is part of the healing. I am trusting God in this. Having Jose gone is more than "my husband is out of town". This is an emotional marathon for me. The last time we were apart from each other has nothing to make positive mention of (which was just over 4 years ago).

Praise our Lord for all He has done.

The nite: Last night we felt like little high school sweethearts talking on the phone late into the night. Jose couldn't sleep and neither could I. We talked until 11:30, which was 2:30 in the morn for Jose. He had to wake up at 5 for the program. I was just about to fall asleep until, Madi woke up! I nursed her back to sleep. But just 10 minutes after putting her back in her crib she started to cry again. I tried for a half hour to rock her back to sleep, but she didn't have it. So....back into mommy's bed. Nursed her and we fell asleep for a short time. Shortly after she was back in her crib. I think I went to sleep around 4. 6am my mom calls stating that online check-in (new thing) was a no-go. I had to get out of bed and make some calls and send some emails. So.....long story short, Jose and I are both like zombies today on a few hours of sleep. We aren't used to this anymore! With Madi, we usually try to get to bed at 10 or 11.

And they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder....

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My little bedhead angel

Going into Madelyn's room and seeing her smiling face with her hair a disaster is the cutest thing.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Love my daughter

I am just so incredibly in love with my daughter. In love with motherhood. In love with watching her learn & grow. In love with the idea that I created a human being! Well, Jose kinda helped....and God was in the mix too! God brought Madelyn to our lives as such a surreal reality. I am still waiting to wake up from this miraculous, but undeserving dream. I close my eyes and all I see is this gift from God.... a beautiful, happy, glowing, adorable face that melts my heart - constantly. Motherhood is nothing short of rewarding & it is truly indescribable. I cannot get enough of my daughter. I love the way she clings to me when she is scared. I love the way she plays with my hair while she nurses. I love when my laugh makes her crack up hysterically. I love when she plays peek-a-boo. I love to see how happy she gets when she sees her daddy come home. I love hearing her giggle & talk. I love watching her sleep. I love that she smiles when I sing to her. I love when she says mama. I love rubbing her back or playing with her hair. I love waking up to hearing her playing in her crib. I love my daughter with all of me. She makes my She brings me to life.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Angel Care

Madelyn stopped breathing in the middle of the night! I think it was last Thursday. Quick recap on how it went down...

We have an audio monitor, but ours has an extra component. There is a sensor pad that detects movement/breathing. It's the Graco Angel Care. If there is no movement/breathing for 15 seconds a warning beep sounds. If there is no movement/breathing for 5 seconds after that (total of 20 seconds) the alarm will sound. Well, the warning beep sounded once and the alarm didn't come on, so we disregarded it. About a minute later the warning beep sounded again and alarm didn't come on either. Jose checked on her and she was fine. Several minutes later the warning beep sounded and I looked at the monitor and the pendulum wasn't going back and forth (showing movement) and 5 seconds later the alarm sounded. The real deal! We ran to her room, alarm blaring in our ears! As I reached in her crib and touched her back to feel her breathing the alarm was still sounding. After several seconds she started moving. The sound of the alarm and me touching her back probably startled her. We are pretty sure she stopped breathing. However, she was on her belly, with her knees underneath her, lying in the corner. There's a chance that her belly/chest wasn't touching the mattress so no movement was detected. Either way, it was frightening! Thank God our little angel is okay.

We LOVE our monitor! And it's not about being overly paranoid. Many families have even discovered that their baby has sleep apnea or a breathing disorder by having this monitor. Jose has sleep apnea and Madi has nasal issues, so this calms our hearts. We don't feel the need to go to her room 10 times a night to see if she is breathing. SIDS occurs when a baby stops breathing for too long and, therefore, is not revivable. Many families will spend $100 - 300 on a monitor system anyway. It's not like this one is so much more expensive, it was only $140. But I do not care how expensive it is, I would have bought it regardless.

I remember that the alarm went off once when she was in her bassinette. She must have been a few months old?

I'm so thankful for the things God has put in our path to protect our little girl and put us at ease.

Sigh. Smile.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

9 Month Miss Madi

Today Little Miss Madi is 9 months old!

I glanced at my previous entry entitled "hello ambition" and I just looked away.
My laptop crashed and my desktop was slower than molasses, but here I am with a brand new computer!

Throughout each day thoughts come to mind, mostly about my daughter, about how much she is growing up, the new things she is doing, how I feel about being a mother... I feel the need to write these down, include them in my blog, something. I never do it. Someday I know I will want to look back at my blog or calendar and just remember when... Never should these memories or day-to-day thoughts be lost. I've decided I am going to write. Just write. Whenever. Whatever. However.


These past 9 months have gone by fast, but it still feels like 9 months, if that makes sense. Madi does something new everyday.


Yesterday, I was sitting on the couch and Madi was on the floor with her stuffed animal - Puppy - no real name yet. I simply said to her "Kiss the puppy!". She picked up Puppy and kissed him and put him back on the floor. I said it again and she did the same thing! It was too precious!

Yesterday, my mom was changing Madi's diaper and she said quietly "Patty cake" (and didn't clap) and Madi started to clap. Madi just learned to clap recently. She hasn't mastered it, but it's a clap for sure.

She was playing by herself the other day and I caught her out of the corner of my eye saying "Yay!" and clapping.

Who's Bob??????? So often Madi will continuously say "bob?" "bob?" "bob?" "bob?" while crawling and looking around. No, she's not trying to say boob - we don't teach her that word! We ask her, "who is Bob?", "Bob is not here". It's actually really funny. We are convinced she has a friend named Bob and she searches for him all the time. "Bob" is distinctly different from when she says "Bop".

On Tuesday, she stood unassisted for 14 seconds! SpongeBob made that happen.

3 weeks ago madi started teething. Her two bottom teeth came in together. She now has the cutest little teeth. Typical teether - whiney, woke up every night, cried frequently in the middle of the night, needy, clingy.

Madi and Teah played together at her house yesterday. They are too cute togeher - same size, body frame, hair color & length, 2 teeth on bottom, chunky legs, pot belly. Little bopsie twins! 8 days apart.

I love when Madi will lay down completely still while either Jose or I give her kisses all over her face. This is one of the few times she is this calm. She loves when we give her kisses!

Madi knows what HER chair is. Whenever she is in her room and we say, "where's your chair?", "go to your chair", she goes right to it.

At 8 months - my mom and madi were playing in madi's room - Madi would stand up holding onto her chair, pick up her little lambie and throw it on the floor. My mom would pick lambie up and put it in the chair. Madi would throw lambie on the floor again. This went on for a while - my mom said at least 20 times. One time madi threw lambie on the floor and my mom didn't pick it up. She looked at my mom like "uh....aren't you gonna pick up lambie?!?! (concerned look). Madi then picked the lambie up off the FLOOR and put it on the chair!!!

Madi could be on a mission to get across the room or to get something she so needs, but (when she is hungry or due to eat) I say "Milk? You want milk? (and signing milk)" she makes a u-turn and crawls so fast directly to me, climbs on me and searches for the ever-so-good-leche. It is the funniest thing!

Lately, Madi has been tilting her head sideways in her high chair laughing to play with me. I do the same back to her.

I LOVE hearing her coo in her crib and play independently. Love it!

The best part of the day is when Madi sees daddy come home after work. He always says "Madelyn?!?!" and she looks around to find him and greets him with the biggest smile - her face just lights up! It is so precious.

Words & Phrases we know that she understands:

all done
bath time
where's cat
kiss the puppy
come here
where are you going?
do you want food?
where's daddy?
daddy's home!

Baby schedule right now (always subject to a spontaneous change) -
Wakes up anytime between 6:30 and 7:30am.
I let her play and coo in her crib for a while (maybe 30 mins), until she starts to whine or cry.
Diaper change.
Nurse her in my bed (likes to nurse lying down since she was 3 mos)
I put her in her play pen while I eat breakfast and then work, check voicemail, do dishes, laundry, whatever I can and quickly. When she starts fussing or crying - times up.
Play Time! Madi crawls all over the house and I chase her. She likes to climb over the bottom or her high chair. She loves to stand holding onto her jumper. She stands up to t.v. and watches (that can't be good for her eyes), Madi just discovered the window by the front door and likes stand and look outside, she climbs in her car seat - stands in it and I rock her, climbs up the steps, tries to break out vertical blinds by back door, takes all the books, photo books, magazines off end table and throws them on the floor, watch a little Dora/Spongebob/Agent Oso/FreshBeat Band/Go Diego Go/Backyardagains (whatever is on). Notice I haven't mentioned ONE of her toys yet???!!!??? No need to buy toys.
First rubbing of the eyes comes and we are off to bed.
Diaper change.
Nurse in my bed.
Down for a nap (awake) usually at 9:30 or 10:30am, depending on what time she woke up.
Wakes up an hour & a half to two hours later.
Diaper Change.
Lunch (veggie earth's best and 1/2 fruit, water in sippy cup)
Usually nurse her within the hour after she eats lunch (normally on couch downstairs)
Play Time! (same as above) plus time in jumper, swing, play pen, etc so I can get work done.
Rubbing eyes =
Diaper change.
Nurse in my bed.
Down for nap again. Afternoon nap is usually around 2:30 or 3:00pm (same as above). Usually at least 2 hours. Sometimes she sleeps 3 or more - that's a sweet treat!!!
Wakes up anywhere between 4 and 5:30pm.
Diaper change.
Dinner (veggies and the rest of her fruit from lunch, water)
*Daddy usually comes home in the middle of lunch (tues & thurs) or dinner (mon, wed, fri).
Usually nurse her within the hour after she eats dinner (normally on couch downstairs)
Play time!
Bath time! (every other night)
Story time!
Nurse (in my bed or in her room)
Mommy and daddy kiss her goodnight, say a prayer/thank God, give her stuffed animals a kiss and she kisses them, say NiteNite Time, turn on humidifier, music, mobile, monitor and lights out. Love you!
Down to bed in crib around 8:30.
Sometimes wakes up in middle of night and I nurse her in my bed.
Once she's asleep, I either work until 11 or relax with Jose if I am caught up with work.

Talk about a FULL TIME JOB! Lots of work. I don't understand how some people don't have some sort of a routine. You have to or you'll go crazy! Babies like routine too.

(Ahhh! I feel better. I wrote down our current detailed schedule.)