Saturday, December 5, 2009

As a matter of heart

This is my first official blog. Yep, I am a new blogger! It only took me forever & a day to take the plunge. There have been so many times I have had the need to rant about something or had an epiphany, but I just never made the time to write about it....just let it well up inside me. Yeah, that's healthy!

So, that leads me to the question -
If you feel it in your heart to do something, but never do it, is it TRULY in your heart?

I am so incredibly behind on the tasks in life that it is absolutely ridiculous. Things are pressing on my heart & mean so much to me, but I always fall into the excuse that I don't have time to get to them. So, if it's truly in my heart to do it, wouldn't I make time? Which has me evaluating the condition of my heart & priorities.

I cannot begin to express how behind I am on things I consider to be a matter of HEART. To name a few: I never sent out Madelyn's birth announcements, I do not even have a picture of Madi hanging in my house (which takes less than 2 minutes to do), as much as I love the pictures my dad painted for Madi's room, they still remain on the floor. I could go on and on. I understand that most everyone has a to-do list and most everyone has things of higher priority that need to get done, but I find myself in a non-excusable place. I ask myself why? Why do I have things to do so important to me, but never do them?

It all starts with procrastination (Satan's best weapon). If you begin to procrastinate the slightest bit on one thing important to do, it doesn't take long before the next important tasks slips in. Now, you have two Matters of Heart waiting to be tackled - putting them both off until next week, but "next week I will get to them for sure!" But next week you get sick, too sick to get anything done - only putting you behind more, in addition to daily chores around the house & your job.
*Daily chores are "static", if you will. They are constant and never fail to leave that fuzzy noise in your ear reminding you of their annoying existence.

Now, in addition to getting done what is "on schedule" to do, catch-up comes into play. Throw a baby into the mix & you got yourself a crazy, unorganized mess of things to do, backed up maybe years, many of which remain Matters of Heart. As time goes on with these heartfelt to-do's hanging out in the sidelines, life happens. And life continues to happen. Then you get to a place where I find myself now, wondering where all the time went and asking why I never hung up my dad's precious paintings in Madi's room for the finishing touch?

Procrastination brings you to the state of being overwhelmed. There are so many things to do that I don't know where to start. Others would recommend doing a little bit at a time, but by the time I get a small window of opportunity I either have something unexpected that arises or I just want to enjoy that moment of peace and do NOTHING. My mind often tricks me into thinking it is best to not start a project unless you have time to finish it right then and there! So, if something will take me 4 hours to do and I don't have 4 straight hours to do it, then it goes on the back burner...get to it when I do have 4 hours because someday I will, right!?!?

So, here I sit writing about the things I need to do, while baby sleeps, instead of just doing them.
Where is the logic?

Bottom Line: I am horrible at TIME MANAGEMENT. How can I be so much like my mother, who is the queen of great time management and not get any of that great quality?

And YES, as a matter of heart, I do believe that you can still TRULY feel something in your heart to get done, although you haven't gotten it done in ages. It is not a question of the condition of your heart, it is a question of your time management skills.
Procrastination is the yellow brick road to being overwhelmed.

Ok, baby is awake! What did I get done while she slept???
I wrote my first blog!!!!!!!!

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